Home Study Visit is Complete!

We took this shot a few minutes before we knocked on the door
just to remember the day and how we felt!

Because everyone paints both their bathrooms 24 hours
before their home visit... right? Is it just us? 

Whew!  We had our home study visit (the in-home one) yesterday and not only did we survive, but we know that we passed!  We've spent the last few weeks cleaning around our work and school schedules and we even called in reinforcements one day when I got overwhelmed cleaning the blinds of all things! So even up to the day of the visit, we cleaned all day, painted the bathrooms, and by the time Clint was vacuuming under the couch cushions and I was polishing the top of the refrigerator, I figured we were ready. 

I spent the previous day potting plants and painting the 2nd bathroom and then woke up the morning of the visit and painted our bathroom. When it got down to the wire, I remembered that a bath might be a nice courtesy so I had to get my hair dried and my make up in a rush!

She finally arrived at 4pm and we went on a quick tour of the house.   Everyone always says that counselors really don't check every nook and cranny for cleanliness...and it's true!  Who would have guessed?!  She didn't analyze the bathrooms that I spent hours painting, she didn't examine our cleaned floors, nor did she discover that our closet in our bedroom was still a disaster area! We spent a total of probably 10 minutes touring the house, and 8 of those were spent oohing and ahhing over the rainbow in the nursery. 



After our spin about the house, it was time to start the interviews. 

We reviewed some of the answers we already turned in when we sent in our paperwork and some people have asked what all is included in this part. So, here is a short list!

our childhood

describe parents and siblings who are living 

our relationship with our parents, or anyone we may be estranged from and why

our relationship with our siblings

what our childhood was like

any traumatic experiences we had in our youth

what our home life was like as children

any abuse we may have suffered as children, physical, verbal or sexual

what discipline styles were used on us as children

any deaths in our family and how they affected us

how we met and where married

how long we have been married

what we love about our mate

how we work through our differences

what qualities in our mate make them a good husband, wife and parent

our sex life (yes...i know what you are thinking--and yes, it is a bit awkward)

our approach to disciplining a child

why we want to adopt

our feelings on being able to love a child that isn't ours biologically

details on our income, any debts, etc.

any past criminal history

can we financially support more children

any health problems and if so, will they impact our ability to care for more children

if both parents work, who will care for the adopted child

our neighborhood and what schools we will send the child

our religious beliefs/faith and if we were to accept a child who is not of our faith, would we allow them to worship the way they want to

would we be willing to accept a child who may not look like us or be of the same racial background as us-if so, how would we deal with parenting that child and how would we incorporate and educate the child on their culture and make this a part of their life with us

And so on. That list is a short version of nearly 40 pages of information we had to fill out and then discuss again in person. But remember that these people are both used to asking these questions, and are also skilled at building rapport. You don't feel as if you are being interrogated, but more gently asked in conversation and discussion as a means of helping paint a true picture of you on paper for the courts. They are therapists- they know how to ask the tough questions and still make you feel supported. It was also nice having experience working at CPS when I was younger and then of course now being a therapist myself because the process felt normal and fairly smooth. 


After a few hours, she split us up for about 10 minutes each and this step is to ensure that if we have any individual concerns, like if one spouse wasn't truly on board, that they could voice their issues. They ask us each the same questions but it's short. And then we were done!


It was almost 3 hours but it went pretty quick and since we had already answered all the questions before, nothing came out of left field and there were no mysteries about what she would discuss with us. We spent a good hour talking about our passion about rights of first families/birth families and our true commitment to open adoption. Our counselor has been doing adoption and home studies for a good bit of time and she said she was thoroughly impressed by our answers when she was reading our file and specifically asked to do our case when they were staffing our file at the office because she wanted to discuss more of this with us. She also mentioned that in her experience, she has never seen a couple as dedicated to open adoption and as aware of all sides of the adoption experience. We put in our paperwork that we know that for us, we are the only ones who gain in this process. All other's, even our children, will have some kind of loss, even if the relationship is open with the first family for life. There is still loss and grief to recognize and allow and we are mindful of this for all involved, as much as we can be at least at this stage of the process. 


So now, we have a PERFECTLY clean house and an almost complete home study.  WOOO HOOO!  Thank you all for the prayers and encouragement through this leg of the process.  We have one more form to turn in and are waiting on a couple of friends to mail in their letters of recommendation.  From there, she will write the report, we will read a draft, and then we approve a final copy. The final copy goes on file and becomes a legal document and from that moment forward, we are legally approved to adopt anywhere in the United States! 2-3 weeks from now we would be capable of bringing a child into our home!  


Advice or Insight into anyone looking for tips about surviving the Adoption Home Study Visit

1. Relax! In almost every single case, they are looking for you to pass. They are on your side, and they WANT to approve you. Someone told me this very early on and it really helped relax me heading into this. There is no need to fear your case worker or the visit!

2. While our house didn't get examined inside and out, it does sometimes happen. If you have a particular area you were hoping she wouldn't look in, just tell her! 

3. You could be in the middle of construction and you'd still pass the home study. We ripped up our carpet months ago and are staining the concrete, and this was no biggie at all. They just want to see if you have space for a baby and that the house isn't a dungeon. 

4. You really don't need to prepare. You'll most likely be asked the same questions you already filled out in your paperwork and the interview is to clarify some of the things you wrote. So if you wrote about infertility, she might ask for more information about how you handled the stress of IVF and how your marriage is strong as a result. Don't over-prepare or rehearse any answers and let your partner/spouse answer even if it makes you nervous! She doesn't want to just hear one side of the relationship. I knew Clint would do fine, so I wasn't worried about his responses but I've read of couples who let one person do all the talking and that concerned the case worker a bit. 

5. Make sure your house isn't so clean that it looks like a museum. Your Caseworker knows that this is your LIVING space, so it's ok to look like you live in it!

6. You won't be interrogated and if you get nervous during the process, just say so! Being real and vulnerable makes you human. Nobody is going to whip out a flashlight and ask you where you were on the night of December 14th in 2001. 

At a minimum, this is what they are looking for on their checklist:

• Do you have working smoke alarms?
• If you own firearms, are they stored safely?
• Do you have a safe source of water in your home?
• Do you have adequate space for your child to sleep?
• If you have a yard, is it safe?

That's it! 

Some people also want to know what all we had to do before the home visit and we will outline that in a separate blog post for anyone wanting more insight into how the adoption process works!